I punched out Bill O’Reilly – World Exclusive – Would have mentioned it earlier honestly but I totally forgot about it until just now for real.

I’d start a separate blog on this topic but I don’t think there are that many other people who have leveled ol’ Riley due to the myth that he is tall.  He is not tall.  The guy is a shrimp.  I watch him all the time and I’ve heard celebrities talk about him and say things about how tall he is.  You are all liars and sellouts.  What is he paying you to reconfirm this myth?  I bet it isn’t even very much.

OK, to the story.  I was in Chicago on the way back from the Six Flags down there and wanted to go one one last thrill ride, so I went to the top of the Sears Tower.  Getting off the elevator my eyes were drawn up and out to the skyline, and I walk right into this guy what his head don’t come up but to my sternum.

On account of the ‘Chi-Guy’ hat I had just purchased he must of took me for a native.  He starts saying how all Chicago-anians are the same, all communists and leftists supporting al-qeada and the Khmer Rouge, and how he hoped the Bears crashed their team airplane into the oldest part of Lambeau Field.

I punched the little guy out at this point, partly because I’m a Wisconsin-etian, and also of course to protect him fr om himself and others lest he say something outlandish or offensive and make somebody mad.  Right in the middle of his big square forehead.

I took in the view for a minute or so but it was kind of hazy, and that makes the vertigo worse somehow, and I had just punched out a major television personality in front of dozens of people, so I thought I’d split.  I rappelled down the stairs and was gone.

 

 

Another Jesse Ventura Punching – This One’s in the News!

Guys, this is awesome!  Word about this blog is spreading fast, and someone who knows someone who knows someone I know sent me a link to a video of SOME DUDE WHO PUNCHED OUT JESSE VENTURA.

So now it’s going mainstream!  Too excited right now to figure out how to post the video but if one of you will in your comments that would be awesome!

(Update)

Now I’m finding multiple videos of this guy.  He’s everywhere!  More to come, it’s really late here.

Steve’s ‘I punched out Jesse Ventura’ story

So I was telling someone at the bar about the time I punched out Jesse Ventura, and this dude named Loddy, whom I will refer to as Steve, from here on to protect his identity, and because I don’t want to keep typing the name Loddy, told me that he too had punched Jesse Ventura out once.

He told me this story:

‘Yeah, so I was at the in North Dakota DMV getting my driver’s license renewed, and I seen this big tall old guy at one of the windows arguing with the lady behind the glass.  I gave up my place in line to move closer to him, since he seemed to be getting loud and boisterous.  Also, I believe either he or I may have been drunk.

“Out of his garbling I heard some words about how he people who worked at the DMV didn’t know what it was like to stand in line at the DMV since they work there and are always the next available customer if they need something, and probably get a sweet employee discount even on custom vanity license  plates.  Then I heard something about the DMV deserving to lose a few of its own on our nation’s decrepit highways, and I snapped.

“I took a moment of silence, and gave Jesse Ventura a moment of face punching.

”The blow sent him reeling back into the glass partition which separates the masses from the coveted plastic stickers and the begrudging DMV employees who dole them out.  His head cocked forward, cocked differently from how it had been cocked just prior to the punch though still very cocked.  Then his whole body cocked forward and he hit the floor bam boom splat.

“Since everyone in line who wasn’t there to take their drunk-driving test had their nose in a copy of Car and Driver magazine, and Sarah, or something, who recognized me from high school was now temporarily blind from getting her DMV picture taken (I nicknamed her ‘DMV Chick.  She thought that was funny kinda.  Chicks love funny clever nicknames like that), I took my chance to run out the door to my car and then to the nearest phone booth to see if there was another DMV in North Dakota and if they had the plate PAK4EVR available.”

The Day I Punched Out Jesse Ventura

I punched Jesse Ventura in the face and knocked him out cold. 
How did it happen?

It was at a book signing for his book I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed.  I remember it well cause it was just one month and 4 days after my 23rd birthday.  The smell of springtime still lingered in the air. 

I remember (vividly) that when it was my turn to have my book signed, I told Mr. Jesse Ventura my name and he looked at me and said “Cudnoski.  Why, that ain’t a pollock name, is it?” 
I said yes, though others have commented that it was also a good Irish name. 

He then cocked his head (or re-cocked it; it had already been cocked a bit at the start) and told me, blatantly, fervently, and apparently with some thought, that although he himself, Jesse Ventura, had served under the Lithuanian Grand Duke Jogaila (Władysław II Jagiełło), during the Jagiellon dynasty (1386–1572), he now felt that the soldiers he served with, though dead for over 600 years, deserved yet to die, those who were still alive! 

I shuddered.  Then I swung.  I hit the old man (this being 2000 he was only 740 some years of age though considered aged by some) clean in the face, breaking both his nose and my hand in the process. 

Realizing instantly that I had just committed a felony, I scurried, scampered and skipped out the door and into the street, then on to places untold.  I was fortunate that nobody else in the book store saw what had happened because they were all drunk. 
I was also surprised that Jesse Ventura never pressed charges for assault against me.  Although he had just written my name in a copy of his book that I had left behind in the confusion, and my face was well known in the community for my involvement in the ‘End Meaningless Protests Now’ movement (the father of Occupy Wall Street I have been called), I was lucky enough to escape the law for all this time.  Ron Paul 2012

The time for silence is over.

So is the statute of limitations.

Jesse Ventura, it was I, Chris Cudnoski, who punched you out at the Barnes and Noble on Bradford Street and got away scot free, having heard nothing about the event though I have scoured every tabloid and searched every google engine for either my name, my face, or your face and my fist.  I am the one who should be famous right now, not you.  I demand to be famous!  It’s my right! 

Thanks.

P.S.  If you have ever punched out Jesse Ventura in public please share your story below.

??? Why Collect Jesse Ventura Punch-Out Stories, and Why Now???

Well that’s a very good question.

I live in Wisconsin which is very near Minnesota, so I’ve been hearing stories about J.V. punchings for as long as I can remember.  As you may know Mr. Ventura lives in MN and was also in charge of the whole state for a while.  Naturally not everyone agrees with their elected officials representatives all the time, and they’re always getting clobbered by their constituents, but the stories about Ventura beat-downs always appealed to me more than the ones you’d hear about, say, Jim Sensenbrenner getting his chins rattled.  Probably something to do with inter-state rivalry, or possibly the fact that Ventura used to be a professional wrestler as well as a Navy Seal which made the stories more interesting than hearing about another fat politician having his jelly set to jiggling.

But mainly it’s just a vain and pathetic attempt to jump on the bandwagon that started a little while ago when some dude went on tv and took JV-pummeling mainstream.  I could smell fame for myself and possibly fortune.  Never let an opportunity slip by unexploited, I say, whatever it may be.  I am truly an equal-opportunity opportunist.

So that’s why I’m here.  What’s your story?