In Attempt to Distract Nation from Secret Service Sex Scandal, White House Announces Sweeping Reforms in Monetary Policy, Immigration

In what some are calling a desperate maneuver to draw attention away from the still-unfolding sex-for-hire scandal involving both secret service and military members, the White House today announced that it is going to begin work on fixing actual real problems in the nation including monetary policy, immigration, free-trade agreements, the war on drugs, property rights, the erosion of civil liberties, and the complete de-industrialization of the country.

Advocates of the plans are saying that it is about time that a president start doing something about these problems, many of which have been plaguing the nation for longer than the president himself has been alive.  But critics are quick to counter that this isn’t the first time an administration has used such ploys.

“When Bill Clinton was nearly impeached over fibbing about having a consenting, however distasteful relationship with another person, then press secretary Ari Fleischer was on television continuously talking about how Mr. Clinton had ordered bombs dropped on more nations than any previous president.”  says Michael Hanson, Dean of Political Affairs at Rotgutt University “Republicans use the same trick.  George W. Bush drew attention away from his inability to read a book written for children by passing the PATRIOT Act and then declaring war on 2 nations most people had never heard of.  His father George H.W. Bush went even further than this in 1992, when rumors that the president wasn’t nearly as fond of the family dogs as he had let on led to his decision to not win re-election.  This lone event was enough to nearly erase all memory of the family dog scandal from the memories of the people, as he was no longer the president and nobody cared anymore.”

Meanwhile, the White House is maintaining  that “the administration really was going to start looking at issues such as rampant corporate crime and the disintegration of Social Security this week anyway.  Seriously, we aren’t going to start talking about the future role of the petro-dollar just to distract from a hotel hooker party. That would be really irresponsible.”

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